Wednesday, February 5, 2014

I Am Capable

I look back on the past week and a half and I can't believe I'm still alive and mostly sane.  Really, it surprises me! I have never had to step out of my comfort zone as much and make as many decisions as I have since I left the U.S. on January 25th. 
Since childhood I have been the kind of girl who can't even make silly decisions without assistance. At home I would beg my family to tell me what to eat for breakfast and lunch because I really couldn't decide. Whenever I felt ill or hurt in any way I would have to ask my mom which medicine to take. At home I would have a parent drive me to school because I was too afraid to take the bus. The only areas where I was completely independent were at school and teaching violin lessons. 
Making the decision to come to Italy was one of the biggest of my life. I decided that I needed to see more of the world and discover more of who I am in it. Completing the paperwork and packing all my things felt like big accomplishments in themselves. I was very nervous about going through security and customs. The entire night before I left I worried about the people at customs going through my things and telling me I couldn't bring them into the country. I worried they would tell me I couldn't get in without a visa. Despite all my fears and anxieties I somehow managed to get on the plane from San Francisco to Zurich and then get on another one from Zurich to Florence. Getting through customs in Florence was really nothing I should have worried about. The two uniformed gentlemen didn't even ask to see my passport!  
After getting settled into the apartment I share with Lily on January 27th, a whole new wave of worries found their way into me as we realized the refrigerator wasn't cold, the hot water wouldn't turn on, and that the WiFi was very temperamental. None of those things were nearly as stressful as what happened that night though. That night, I, Lily, and two other girls decided that we wanted to check out a certain restaurant that was on AIFS’ meal voucher plan. One of the other girls already had a place in mind so, map in hand, we set out through the streets of Florence to find it. On what we thought was the way there we were assisted by the owner of a different restaurant who asked us if we needed help. When we asked if he knew of the place we sought, he responded with:
“What?! Why would you want to go to __?! They have nothing there! Well…I guess they have pizza…Americans like pizza.”
After he kindly gave us directions, we made it to the restaurant. He was right; the food was very much Americanized and nothing special. The scary part of this venture began when we got lost on the way back. We had traversed those same streets in the daytime when we shopped for food and we had been sure we could find our way back. However, in the darkness the streets looked completely different than they had in daytime.  We wandered around thinking we were going in the right direction when we finally decided we had absolutely no idea where we were.  As we stopped in the light of a lamppost to consult the map for the hundredth time, a Japanese lady stopped and asked if we needed help. She told us that we were practically on the other side of the historical center than where our apartments were. She showed us her tour guide badge and offered to take us to the Duomo. We felt we had no choice but to follow her. At the Duomo she asked if we could find our way back from there and we said we could. We went in circles for a long time but in the end we made it back safely to our apartments. This experience really scared me; I had never been lost in a strange city at night before. It didn't help my nerves at all that all of the guys we passed by on the street had to ask what party we were going to or if we would like to attend theirs. Luckily, this venture also showed me that many people are willing to give directions and help out if you look like you need assistance.
More adventures followed in the days after, such as me hurting my ankle really badly on the evil cobblestone streets. My right foot has always been weak because of it missing some bones and muscles and the cobblestone streets didn't help anything. I came back from a day trip to Pisa and Lucca to find my right ankle swollen and in a lot of pain. I could only get around by limping. I didn't know what to do without my parents to give me advice and a lot of crying was the result of my frustration. I am so glad I had friends to take care of me! Some of them went to the 24 hour pharmacy for me and got some medicine to take care of the pain and swelling and the next day they went shopping with me for more comfortable shoes. I also paid a visit to the pharmacy down the street and the chemist helped me find some braces for my ankles and topical gel to take care of the pain.
Many other things have happened in this past week and a half that has caused me to be anxious. Even simple things like buying food and waterproofing my shoes for the first time have brought their own type of stress. Living without my parents for the first time, sharing an apartment with someone I didn't really know before, dealing with getting a cold, trying to see everything I can around the city, and making sure I do all of my homework have caused me all sorts of worry. However, I have learned that I can deal with all of the stresses that come with change and survive. I CAN live in an apartment and buy my own food.  I've learned that I am not alone and that I have friends who will be there when I need it. I am capable of coming to a foreign country without my family and making all sorts of decisions on my own.  If that is the only thing I learn from this adventure it will have been worth going on. 

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